BYTHECATHEDRAL

LET ME CLARIFY

"Where are you from?" I get this question A LOT from people from some part of Africa or the Caribbean. You would think it is a question of which borough. No. You see I give that response, and it is never satisfactory. They want to know what COUNTRY.

At that point I meekly point out..."Um. Here." If I don't think this good enough - I usually tag along my Caribbean heritage. 

I was talking from this guy from Nigeria. Really cool guy. Did you know they have over 250 dialects? Did you know that just by looking at the name you know which part of Nigeria they are from??

Anyway. Today he asks:

Him: Where are you from?
Me: (I give my borough)
Him: No. Where are you from?
Me: Um. Here.
Him: You don't act like other black Americans.
Me: How do they act?
Him: You know...the hand gesture. The attitude. You know the way they talk.
Me: Yeah...(didn't know how to respond)
Him: You don't act like them.

The elevator arrives.

I also get the POISED ANNOUNCEMENT.

I notice that a lot of white people (Caucasians? What is the correct term?) Seem to be surprised by me. I get a lot of "You are so poised. You are very articulate." Huh? It seems an odd thing to say to someone. It seems odd that you have to POINT OUT that I am articulate like that isn't the norm.

So there you go. Apparently I am some random person who doesn't fit any label. I think people are watching too many episodes of COPS or maybe they rented Boyz in the Hood.

CAN'T GET OVER THIS

I think when Tom Cruise starts pointing at people, "I care about you. I care about your children. I care about these people here in this room. I mean it.  That is not just words to me..." Tom

That is when I start to crack up.

I care about you too Tom. Sign me up. I am achin' for some Scientology. 

TOM - BATSHIT CRAZY

batshit

I know everyone is talking about Tom Cruise right now - cuz he is freaking insane. Check out this link  from TVGASM . I know it is all editing, but that brief moment between laughter and complete seriousness is hilarious.

As TVGASM points out:

When our friend at Access Hollywood told us to Tivo tonight's special half-hour dedicated to Tom Cruise, we knew something had to be up. After all, we were still reeling from his loopy, "I swear I'm in love!" performance on Oprah where he became daytime television's reigning couch-surfer. Well, we weren't disappointed. The Billy Bush exposé revealed that Tom might be nuttier than we ever thought. He rebuked psychology, saying there was no science behind it, and when asked about people who've sworn they've been helped by therapy (people including Brooke Shields), a disdainful Tom simply replied "Look at their lives." Yes, all those pitiful people who don't have fifteen blockbusters to their name. FOR SHAME, heathen non-superstars! How you have relied on your elixirs and so-called brain sciences to cure your problems!

Anyway, enjoy this very brief montage of Tommy boy on Access Hollywood, and be sure to watch how in the first clip Cruise switches from jovial laughter to extreme intensity on the turn of the dime.

BLIND DATE

I go on blind dates. I don't know why I still do this. The reason I started was cuz I wanted to go on dates. I never go on dates, and I thought it would be fun. It ain't fun.

It never ends up going well. The dates never look like the way they are supposed to look. They are...not what I am looking for. So, why do I go on them? Don't know. I'd rather just have a new email buddy, but then it is the inevitable question, "Wanna meet up?"

No. I don't want to meet up. I will be disappointed. You will be disappointed (I don't see how that is possible). Then. We stop talking. Our great conversation - gone. No more.

No. I don't want to meet up.

BOOTY CALL

I noticed recently that I don't formulate sentences anymore. It is just a collection of profanity put together.

cock
jackass
dick
fuck

My brain is slowly disintegrating.

I still have my self-esteem.
I canceled a booty call. I saw it coming, and I stopped it. Why? Free sex right? No. It is going to get messy. I am going to get messy, and turn into a wreck. Random Sex + Couple of months = Psycho Bitch.

bitch


It is my own fault. Don't see someone for months? Best possible option? Fuck them. Fuck them and then get your stuff and leave.

FUCK again

Sorry. No booty call anymore Mister. You will thank me later.

TARANTINO

It is the age of the season finale. I am a CSI and Cold Case fan, and I had to see the end them.



Cold Case scared the hell out of me. It goes into the childhood of a past serial killer. It had this whole "Carrie" quality to it.

CSI - this two hour event - was directed by Tarantino. He put his own flair to the show, but it wasn't any original flair. Of course, there was the obligatory pop culture references. Forcing music into a scene. Having the random conversations. When you get past the Taratino crap - you have a good story there. You just have get past the Tarantino "signature moves".

THE-RA-PY

I am learning a lot from this woman. I am learning to do things effectively.

For example - the Old Me would say, "You are such a jackass."

The New Me says, "You know what? What can you do? You are a complete jackass, but that isn't my fault. You jackass."

 

YOU SEE

Now I look like the idiot because I wasted my time.

Inner dialogue:  Do not. Do not. Get angry and go off. Don't go off. That is a waste of MORE time.

cock.

THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE.

You're a cock...

Why the fuck do I waste my time?

YOU'RE A

In order to protect the innocent or asshole. I will refrain from using names. Patrick.

In the words of Tim (The Office BBC), "You're cock a Gareth (Patrick). You're a cock. You're a cock. You're a cock."